Sunday, 18 March 2012

Mother's Day,aka MY DUE DATE and he's still not here :(

Well today is officially my due date, and also Mothering Sunday.
I have been counting down to this day for 9 months now, and I cannot describe how gutted I am that he has not turned up.

It would have been the perfect very first Mother's Day gift: my first child.
What hasnt helped, is that I have stupidly believed that he would be earlier than his due date, because everyone around me for the last couple of months have said that there is no way I would get to the due date as he is way too big a baby!

He is a HUGE baby, and yet he has still stayed in there. No midwife has even raised the subject of an early induction due to his size, and to be honest, it didnt cross my mind as I assumed he would just come out early. Silly me. First babies rarely come early, and only 5% of babies in general come on their actual due date.

My biggest fear is that the longer he is in there, the bigger he is getting, and my anxiety is starting to really heighten. My main fear is he will be too big to get through my pelvis and he may get stuck, so forceps or c-section are the choices.

What doesn't help, is that my auntie was the same age as me when she had her third child.This was by c-section and 2 days later my auntie died from a blood clot caused by the c-section. That FREAKS ME OUT! I also cannot bear the thought of 6 weeks of not even being able to open a washing machine or oven door, or even push my pram, due to the important recovery process from such a dangerous operation.

People keep reminding me that his weight is just an estimate, and midwives can get it very wrong, and that bigger babies have managed to be born naturally, so I am trying my best to keep positive.

Part of me is desperate to get him out as I am in a lot of pain every day now, but at the same time, I'm scared of then having to look after a helpless baby who I am responsible for protecting and nurturing.

These must be very normal thoughts that a lot of first-time parents have, as it really is fear of the unknown, and I have promised myself that I will be honest with the people around me if I am struggling, especially with people who are already parents, because it is a huge learning process, and we mainly learn through the mistakes and achievements that both we and those around us experience.

Place your bets on when I will actually pop lol, and I will most definitely be posting details about the labour when it finally happens!

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